Listening lesson final
Tue, May 23, 2023 8:33PM • 15:48
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
listening, coaches, talk, people, leaders, ideas, transformational leader, learn, skill, enjoy, leadership, winning, good, evolve, passion, dinner table, players, coaching, bruce springsteen, create
SPEAKERS
Slavomir Lener, Briony Akle, Sue Enquist, Valorie Kondos Field, Felisha Legette Jack, Olaf Lange, Andy Friend, Peter Moores, Paul Barnett, Helene Wilson
Paul Barnett 00:00
Welcome to the lessons from the great coaches podcast.
00:04
I've learned that you don't do it alone, you learn so many different things from so many different coaches. That's an elite learning environment.
00:13
How you deal with how to be resilient, how important it is to infuse joy in the process of learning. To be a good candidate, you've got to do more than you take.
00:24
What an interesting way it is to be a leader..
Paul Barnett 00:28
My name is Paul Barnett, and you are listening to the great coaches podcast, where we explore leadership through the lens of high performance sport, by interviewing great coaches from around the world, to try and find ideas to help all of us be better leaders. We started this podcast because we wanted to have better conversations with our families around the dinner table. In a social media world, where the goal was often to be the star of the show. We wanted to change the conversation and talk more about selflessness, leadership, and responsibility. And the people we knew who best exhibited these qualities were great sports coaches. As the podcast has grown, the great coaches we've interviewed have shared so much insight and wisdom that we decided to create episodes dedicated entirely to the lessons that have resonated with us the most. Today's episode is on the topic of listening. And it features audio quotes from a selection of coaches that we have interviewed from around the world. The lessons from the great coaches podcast, one of my favorite artists is Bruce Springsteen. Growing up, I had his posters on my wall. I have many of his albums on vinyl, and still enjoy cranking up Born to Run whenever we are on a road trip. In 2016, he published his autobiography, which I eagerly received for Father's Day. Two of the things that stayed with me after reading it was how his father said less than 1000 words to him through his childhood, and how he had to learn that being a parent meant that he had to be the audience for his children, which was quite a challenge for someone used to playing in front of stadium sized crowds. I folded this idea of being an audience for my children into my own approach to parenting. And what I often found most difficult is listening attentively at the end of long days, when everyone is tired, hungry, and sometimes not wanting to talk much. But the joy that comes from hearing my daughters talk about their days, their ideas, their thoughts, is such a wonderful tonic, that my wife and I try to make a ritual out of mealtimes together. Being a good audience member requires you to be a good listener. And this is a skill that I'm always trying to improve. And in this very, very small way. Bruce Springsteen and I have something in common. Listening is not just a skill that you need to be a good parent, partner or friend, though. It's a skill that is fundamental to your success as a leader. So EnQuest is an iconic American softball coach. And she believes that listening is a skill that helped her evolve from being a transactional, to a transformational leader. She goes on to say that listening helped her create better conditions for her athletes to enjoy the grind of excellence.
Sue Enquist 03:19
What I want people to know is when you make this transition from being a transactional leader to a transformational leader, transformational meaning, I'm going to be collaborative with you. I'm going to go on this journey with you. I'm going to listen to your needs because I am the party. I am the servant to the program, and I'm going to facilitate the conditions for you to be your best. It doesn't mean I'm letting go of standards. I'm letting go of benchmarks. I'm letting go of accountability. They actually coexist. It's more of a process change. So I never people say gosh, the end of your career you got soft it wasn't I got soft. I started listening, creating better conditions for my athletes to enjoy the grind of excellence because excellence doesn't negotiate.
Paul Barnett 04:06
The championship winning netball coach Briony Arkell builds on Sue's ideas around the link between listening and leadership by talking about the fact that learning to listen, and not just issue directives helped her build trust within the team.
Briony Akle 04:23
My coaching style is probably creating an environment where the athlete has just as much say as what I'm trying to help them with. I learned pretty quick that if you didn't listen, you must listen a lot when you're coaching, not just sort of thinking you're the one with the directive and the answers and I think my philosophy is is I gain their feedback and their buy in by asking lots of questions around Do you think this is going to work against this player or what's the best strategy we can both go in with because there is nothing worse than coaching someone that they do all the right things and they nod their head like they understand everything but it doesn't follow through on to the court. So definitely listening, gaining their trust. by actually implementing,
Paul Barnett 05:02
and the friend is a rugby coach who has led teams in Ireland, Australia, and Japan. And he believes that listening is one of the most important skills as a coach. And if you do it well, you can be rewarded with deeper relationships. And that becomes one of the best things about the job.
Andy Friend 05:23
But I think the most important thing is you got to listen, brilliance want to go back to the what I said at the front end, the cake is about relationships, you've got to be able to build that trust that someone is able to come to you and talk. And then you got to sit back and listen and listen to what their situation is as empathetically as you can listen, seek to understand what they're doing. And then if they want advice, guide them if they don't just listen, just be there for him. But that's one of the things I love about the job, just the diversity in what we do. People just think with a blog out there with a with a whistle. That would be honestly now that would be 5% of my my week, the rest of its just dealing with people.
Paul Barnett 06:00
A consistent theme, for many of the great coaches we have interviewed is that you should be humble enough to admit to the team when you don't have all the answers. Valerie condos for field is a 10 time winning NCAA championship gymnastic coach, and now teaches coaching and leadership classes at UCLA. And she believes that listening is a skill of the strongest and most impactful leaders.
Valorie Kondos Field 06:31
Tonight, I feel like that's one of the biggest mistakes that especially young leaders make. And I certainly did this when I took over as the head coach is they think that they are supposed to have all the answers and know everything. And that's when your ego takes over. And that's when you get in trouble. Versus I now believe that the strongest leaders, most impactful leaders are those who model behavior that they are hoping to instill in the student athletes who may lead. And that modeling of behavior includes the most important parts of showing your vulnerable side, your humble side, your empathetic side, the biggest part of a safe space that I found to create with our athletes was when they started talking to literally shut up and listen. And that's a skill that we all need to continue to work on to develop. Because most of the time when someone else is talking, we're trying to figure out what our next statement is going to be. And we're not listening. And this is really cool. When you spell out the word listen, and you rearrange the letters, it spells silent in that cool. So I know it's really cool. I believe one of the greatest gifts that we can give someone and especially our use our children, you don't have to agree with what they're telling you. Just let them talk without you butting in and without without me butting in without me correcting them. Or without me saying no, you're seeing this the wrong way. Just give someone the gift of listening.
Paul Barnett 08:22
With the knowledge and insight that comes from deeper listening, you can then respond more appropriately. Felicia legit Jack is a basketball coach. And she talked to us about learning to temper the passion with which she responded to her team.
Felisha Legette Jack 08:38
I definitely listen a lot, put my passion superseded what I heard. And so you'll never get me to over talk you. I've always was a listener. My issue was that I really really wanted people to understand me. My passion was so intense that I wanted every player that I ever coach to be way better than me, just not just a little bit but way better than me. But I want to create the space so that their work ethic has to go beyond that. And what I realized through my difficulties as a younger head coach, sometimes even now, the passion that I have is different than a lot of people. Me no one no one can outwork me no one can do it earlier or stay later are really good after it like me and when it's okay. A lot of people get their different differently than than me, but I didn't have a lot of the tools that a lot of young coaches have now, that can help you navigate your thought process to other people so that it can they can just become what they suppose so
Paul Barnett 09:55
as you listen, you acquire more knowledge and in turn, this can help you evolve your own coaching philosophy. Here is gold medal winning ice hockey coach, slovenly Alaina, talking about how he does this.
Slavomir Lener 10:10
Because it's like the essence of what do you think about a great communicator? He's a great first of all, great, listen, he listens. Then he answers back. So good discussion, open mind coach, I would say not just for the players, but for the other coaches to talk about, he's open to discuss about everything. And he's eager to learn. Just like myself, I got my own opinion. So I can, and kind of strict opinion. But I'm always open to listen some other experiences, and try to change maybe some part of my philosophy. But
Paul Barnett 10:48
when listening is combined with observation, you're able to gain different perspectives on the environment within the team. And the condition of the individuals. Here is former England cricket coach, Peter Moore's talking about how he does this at team practice.
Peter Moores 11:07
So I coach changing the lens if you look at something, so I could walk into a training session, and I could look at technique, which is a very common thing that coaches do. I could say to a coach, why don't you put on Yeah, who's enjoying it lenses? And just look who's smiling. He's having a good time. And if somebody's not, there's a challenge there. What are you going to do to help them you could put on who's in rhythm. And if you're not in rhythm, there'll be stiff? And what if the rhythm relaxed and smiling, you can change whatever you want in these classes. That to me is where I would have learned over time to sometimes even before I do something, okay, try and see it from a different perspective to get a different set of information that what I say, and that I think has been really valuable to me as a coach.
Paul Barnett 11:55
The basketball coach, or left Langer builds on Peters ideas about the importance of observation by explaining how he develops intuition about the players, and is therefore able to respond and care for them in the best possible way.
Olaf Lange 12:12
Intuition for me was an invaluable tool because it always allowed me to have a sense about what was going on in the team without knowing all the details. So I could look at certain behaviors and certain little things that I could have a very good feel and sense of what was going on without knowing really, what were their specifics. Obviously, it helped me caring for the players a lot. And I think I think the players realized that I was caring for them helped me in my ability to elicit their best performance out of
Paul Barnett 12:48
them. Perhaps the last word on listening should come from championship winning netball coach, Helene Wilson, she talks about the magical things that can happen in high performance sport, when people bring their ideas together, and discuss them with honesty.
Helene Wilson 13:09
What does honesty really mean and high performance? I think it is bringing your thoughts to the table as a person and bringing multiple people to the table and your thoughts, whether honesty, so that conversation and the curiosity and all the thinking is out on the table together. But at the end of the day, are we listening? Are we listening to what's been said? And is what been said? planting a seed of curiosity that may take you on a slightly different path. But that path with all of those multiple points of reference from the thinking may take you somewhere that you never knew was possible. And I guess that's what I really enjoy about being involved in sport, assist some great people great minds, and if you bring them all together, and honestly put your thoughts down on the table together, magical things can happen.
13:59
We hope you have enjoyed our episode on listening and found one or two things that you can bring to your own dinner table, locker room or boardroom table for discussion. The key lessons I have taken away from our interview guest on the topic of listening are listening is a skill that is fundamental to effective leadership. And if done well, it will help you evolve into a transformational leader. When you're humble enough to admit that you don't have all the answers and listen to the ideas of your team. It will build more trust and ultimately lead to deeper and more rewarding relationships. You should listen with a view to responding in the best way possible. And this may mean tempering your own passion or enthusiasm. Let's listening well. We'll help you acquire new information that you can use to evolve your coaching philosophy. And magical things can happen when you're open to listening into other ideas in high performing teams. Here at the great coaches podcast, we are always listening and trying to reflect and learn. So please let us know if you have any feedback. Just like Warren Bennett, who after listening to our Damien Hardwick episode said, great insight into the workings of the club and the coach's box. Thanks, Warren. The interaction with people around the world who listen gives us great energy. And so if you have any feedback or comments, please let us know. And all the details on how to connect with us are in the show notes are on our website, the great coaches podcast.com