Self Reflection final lesson

Tue, May 23, 2023 9:02PM • 15:18

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

coaches, self reflection, reflect, team, learn, mirror, leader, harshest critic, athlete, interview, podcast, feedback, builds, conversation, good, pandemic, achieve, lessons, called, vulnerability

SPEAKERS

Michelle Clarke-Heard, Bev Priestman, Joe Prunty, Lisa Alexander, Bill Sweetenham, Damian McGrath, Paul Barnett, Helene Wilson, Sandy Brondello, James Wade, Eddie Jones

Paul Barnett  00:00

Welcome to the lessons from the great coaches podcast.

00:04

I've learned that you don't do it alone,

Michelle Clarke-Heard  00:06

you learn so many different things from so many different coaches. That's an elite learning environment.

00:13

How you deal with how to be resilient, how important it is to infuse joy in the process of learning. To be

00:20

a good candidate, you've got to do more than you take. What an interesting way it is to be a leader.

Paul Barnett  00:27

My name is Paul Barnett, and you are listening to the great coaches podcast, where we explore leadership through the lens of high performance sport, by interviewing great coaches from around the world, to try and find ideas to help all of us be better leaders. We started this podcast because we wanted to have better conversations with our families around the dinner table. In a social media world, where the goal is often to be the star of the show, we wanted to change the conversation and talk more about selflessness, leadership and responsibility. And the people we knew who best exhibited these qualities were great sports coaches. As the podcast has grown, the great coaches we've interviewed have shared so much insight and wisdom that we decided to create episodes dedicated entirely to the lessons that have resonated with us the most. Today's episode is on the topic of self reflection, and it features audio quotes from a wide selection of coaches that we have interviewed from around the world. The lessons from the great coaches podcast, one of the early interviews we did was with a rugby sevens coach called Damian McGraw, Damien had coached the national teams of five countries and written three books. And as a result, is very good at communicating in a short, succinct way that cut straight to the heart of the matter. We caught him at the start of the pandemic, when he was laid up in Germany, recovering from a leg injury and away from his family. And so by his own admission, he was in a reflective mood. That day, we discussed two things that helped shaped many of the interview questions, we would go on to ask other guests afterwards. The first was this in relation to criticism, where he said, quote, don't listen to the people in the stands, or you'll end up sitting next to them, and quote, and the second was about the importance of self reflection.

Damian McGrath  02:23

being laid off here, I've started to think about coaching, from a sort of a leadership point of view more and more. And I don't think I think there's, as coaches, we should do that we should, you should document what you do all the time. I know everybody who's successful, is a self reflective or should be. But I don't think sometimes we document the things we go through and how it leads to change and how we manage that change and how we sort of work you have to be fluid and how you move forward. It's a worthwhile task.

Paul Barnett  02:56

To this point, I hadn't realized that self reflection was so important. But afterwards, I spent time researching it, and asking other coaches about their views on self reflection. And what emerged was two things. First, the importance of mirrors, which you'll hear numerous times in this episode. And secondly, the importance of doing it first as a leader, before you engage anybody else with feedback. Here is soccer coach, Tanya oxby.

03:25

And we want that we want players that look at themselves first, think about what they can change what they could have done better, what they did really well. And were then looking to add to that because as coaches, we should be doing the same thing we should be looking, I know when we don't perform well or we lose a game. First thing I do is think Oh, what did I do wrong? Where did I set us up? Right? Did I did I get the opposition analysis wrong straightaway, you should be looking at yourself first and then start to look outwardly.

Paul Barnett  03:53

As humans, we are often our harshest critic. But great coaches are able to move beyond this very quickly, and look for the learning so that they are able to improve next time. In fact, they are very good at the loop of reflect, learn and move on and use it to fuel their own development. Here is Sandy Brunello reflecting on this loop and how she uses it with her kids as well.

Sandy Brondello  04:18

And it's not about I don't blame other players. I always blame myself. I'm my harshest critic. There's things I could have done better. I don't point the finger on what can I do better. So that's why I look at it and like okay, I need to be better. And it's, you know, continual, you're not going to win every single game. But there's always lessons to be learned in every single game. And that's what I do as I reflect, and then I learn and then I move on to the next game and hopefully I can be better. And that's why when I was a player every single day I went to work to be the best I could be. I wasn't trying to be, you know, someone else on my team beat them out. It's no different as a coach. I want to make sure I'm learning from those experiences, and then making sure I do a better job next time isn't it? I pass it on to my kids, because you know, they just want things to come too easy. You know, you're not going to get satisfaction if things are too easy in life.

Paul Barnett  05:08

Eddie Jones builds on what Sandy has to say, by making the link that it's not just teams that have to evolve, but coaches too. And in fact, if you don't take the time to reflect on how you will improve, you will eventually peter out.

Eddie Jones  05:25

It's almost like the whole world's been taken back to the base, and teams are literally in place, and literally, starting again. So there's this great opportunity, this moment, to really evolve what you're doing as a team in terms of your training, in terms of the game in terms of the way you operate. And that relates to coaches, too, you've got to you've got to keep thinking about right, how can I evolve myself as a coach, how can I keep getting better as a coach, and unless you do that you are gonna die.

Paul Barnett  05:57

In the march 2022 edition of the Harvard Business Review, there was an article that featured research on the impact of self reflection on the development of 442 business leaders. It found that if you don't take time to rest and reflect on what you have learned, then you will fatigue and this will impact your development and performance. Beverly Priestman, coached the Canadian Women's team to a gold medal at the Tokyo Olympics. And she proves this finding by explaining how it was the downtime during the early part of the pandemic that allowed her to be clear on who she was, and what she wanted to achieve.

Bev Priestman  06:38

So in that pandemic, I locked myself in a room I developed like who I am as a person, what are my values? What will my culture look like? How do I want to play. And so I articulated this and became really, really clear about who I am what I was going to be about, should that first senior head coaching position come up and obviously Canada that came calling from my previous time there and I felt really ready, refreshed and clear to take on that position.

Paul Barnett  07:09

James Wade, led the Chicago Sky to the 2021 WNBA championship. And he connected the routine of self reflection with heightened self accountability, and how this spurs him on to express his shortcomings in front of the team. And as we are learning through more sociology, research, and people like Brene, brown vulnerability as a leader builds trust, and elevates team performance,

James Wade  07:36

self accountability, easiest thing for a coach to do is after a game is to go look at the stat sheet or look at video and say, hey, look, we didn't do this right? This right? This right? This right this right? The first thing I do after again, whether we win or lose, it's okay, what could I have done better? I look at myself first and foremost. And in the mirror, when we go back to the locker room, before I go talk to the coaches, I say okay, I didn't do this, I was bad at this tonight, I can do this better. And then I approached the team say, hey, look, as a group, we can do this better, whether it be our energy, or whether it be attention to detail and in schemes or whatever it may be, whether it be us playing together, I'll hold them to that. But I also hold myself accountable in front of them as well. Because I make a lot of mistakes. I think we get this false sense of the coach is always right all the time. And if you're not always right, I mean, you're not a good coach, and I'm self aware of who I am. I'm self aware of my shortcomings. And I don't mind talking about them, because I know that an ever evolving person and so I'm trying to get it right.

Paul Barnett  08:42

Michelle Clark Hurd is an American basketball coach. And she also makes the connection between self reflection and vulnerability with the team and adds to it by explaining how it helps her find common ground with other people in the organization.

Michelle Clarke-Heard  08:59

There's always individuals and people sometimes that don't know how to express themselves, or they sometimes have a fear of like just wanting to be who they are. And I just really love letting people understand and know that it's okay to be different. It's okay to have who you are. But let's just find that common space where we both can be who we are, and always tell my players all the time, I look at myself in the mirror first, you have to be very vulnerable. And you have to get them to understand that and just a lot of backstories.

Paul Barnett  09:31

As a leader, there will be times when you have to move on from a team either voluntarily or not. And self reflection can help you keep perspective on what you were able to achieve, even though the job may not have been finished. Here is NBA coach Joe Prunty.

Joe Prunty  09:48

I think one of the biggest things regardless of how you leave a team is can you look yourself in the mirror and say you did the best that you could while you were there. And did you do the best that you could with the things that you were presented at that time. So I think that's a huge part of it is looking yourself in the mirror and knowing that you did what you could.

Paul Barnett  10:08

But there can be no denying that self reflection can hurt. Particularly if you can identify reasons why someone in your care did not reach their potential. Here is the legendary swimming coach, Bill Sweetnam, describing how this feeling affects him.

Bill Sweetenham  10:26

Whenever he athlete retires, I go in and look in the mirror and ask yourself, did I get the best out of that athlete? No excuses. I can't say, did I get the best out of that athlete who anytime six sessions a week, but I get the best out of the athlete who really didn't draw her. I can't do that I can't rationalize that I have to go in and look in the mirror. I prefer to use away 50 years of experience. So did I achieve without rationalization without excuses. without compromise? Get that athlete their best result. And if I can't do that, then I'd file whether it's the highest talent in the pool, or the least talent, provided, they're both committed to the training system that you've asked them to do. So whenever I fall short, it hurts losers far.

Paul Barnett  11:15

Building your own process for self reflecting will help it become a key part of your routine as a leader. Here is Helene Wilson, explaining how she goes about this.

Helene Wilson  11:26

Yeah, I think first of all, you've got to self reflect as a coach. So that's a skill. And if you don't have a process for self reflecting, then you're not going to grow your awareness around what you're doing as a coach, or could you be doing things better? But you got to be careful that self reflection isn't ruminating. So you're not just sitting on things and overthinking things, because that's not healthy either. So I always think to myself, What have I done in practice today? Why have I done it? What's working? What's not? So I have a process where I'm going over those things? And what have I noticed? Which is a really powerful question to in what could I do differently? When I think about those questions, and when you you reflect in that way, at my post some more questions, too. But there are questions that you can put to your group or the people that are around you. And then you can leave it off the support and expertise, you have to be better. If you're having a critical conversation or a difficult conversation with someone else rather than yourself, I've always thought what's the stance that I need to take. So you can take a stance of advocating what you need to discuss an honest or critical conversation. But you can also take the stance of inquiry and inquiry with questions and questions are a great way to get people on the same level as you. So depending on what the outcome of what you're reflecting on yourself, what your contribution was to the situation, and then how you need to engage with someone else, you need to be really careful about the stance that you take to just bring that critical conversation and honest conversation to the forefront.

Paul Barnett  13:05

The final word on self reflection comes from Lisa Alexander, who captures an idea many of the great coaches talk about journaling as a way to capture experiences and examine them for learning

Lisa Alexander  13:17

by my educator. So I'm always optimistic that people can learn this. And I think it goes back to that the writing the journal is actually writing down those issues or experiences that have been tough and really examining them instead of not facing them. I've often written down my challenges and the things that have really confronted me and what I needed to do, which has been very helpful. So it's sort of like having your own copilot that sort of helps you to navigate the tough times.

Paul Barnett  13:48

We hope you enjoyed our episode on self reflection, and found one or two things that you can bring to your own dinner table, locker room or boardroom table for discussion. The key lessons I have taken away on the topic of self reflection from our interview guests. Look at yourself first and reflect on how you performed before giving feedback to others. It's important to not dwell on personal criticism though, but rather to focus on the loop of reflect, learn and move on. Finding time to reflect will not only help your development of performance, but it will help you manage fatigue. self reflection can help build personal accountability when it comes to key goals and help you achieve compromise within the team. And journaling where you write down your thoughts and observations is a good way to start the practice of self reflection. Here at the great coaches podcast we are always trying to reflect and learn so please let us know if you have any feedback. Just like panko from France who said great podcast, Mercy pores program trade enrichment. I'm sorry my French is terrible. Thanks Bongo. The inter connection with people around the world who listen gives us great energy and so if you have any feedback or comments please let us know all the details on how to connect with us are in the show notes or on our website the great coaches podcast.com