self belief lesson V2

Tue, May 23, 2023 8:58PM • 29:27

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

self belief, coach, people, players, confidence, belief, life, explaining, team, failure, play, building, learned, athlete, high performance sport, bumblebee, great, ideas, important, goal

SPEAKERS

Felisha Legette Jack, Damian McGrath, Mark Robinson, Valorie Kondos Field, Heyneke Meyer, Paul Barnett, Ben Ryan, Tamsin Greenway, Eddie Jones, Sue Enquist, Joe Prunty, Jenny Boucek, Brenda Frese, Tanya Oxtoby, Penny Cula-Reid, Tracey Menzies, Gordon Tietjens, Peter Moores, Paul Roos

Paul Barnett  00:00

Welcome to the lessons from the great coaches podcast.

00:04

I've learned that you don't do it alone,

00:06

you learn so many different things from so many different coaches. That's an elite learning environment.

Valorie Kondos Field  00:13

How you deal with how to be resilient, how important it is to infuse joy in the process of learning. To be

00:20

a good candidate, you've got to do more than you take. What an interesting way it is to be a leader.

Paul Barnett  00:28

My name is Paul Barnett, and you are listening to the great coach's podcast, where we explore leadership through the lens of high performance sport, by interviewing great coaches from around the world to try and find ideas to help all of us lead our teams better. We started this podcast because we wanted to have better conversations with our families around the dinner table. In a social media world with a goal is often to be the star of the show. We wanted to change the conversation and talk more about selflessness, leadership and responsibility. And the people we knew who best exhibited these qualities were great sports coaches. As the podcast has grown, the great coaches we have interviewed have shared so much insight and wisdom that we decided to create episodes dedicated entirely to the lessons that have resonated with us the most. Today's episode is on the topic of self belief, and it features audio quotes from a selection of coaches that we've interviewed on the podcast from around the world.

01:30

The lessons from the great coaches podcast,

Paul Barnett  01:32

John Wooden is one of the greatest coaches of all time. In fact, his name is one of the first that pops up when you Google the words great coaches. He coached the UCLA basketball team to a record 10 NCAA championships and went on to publish 13 books on the topic of culture, leadership and coaching. One of his most famous quotes was on the topic of success as a coach. He said, Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming. We have interviewed three coaches that were fortunate enough to have John Wooden as a mentor, and all were full of praise and admiration for him. However, Coach wooden's answer is rarely replicated by other coaches. Instead, when we asked them a version of what legacy they would like to leave as a coach, or even more directly how they define success as a coach, the topic of building self belief is more likely to come up. Here is an example from rugby coach Damian McGraw.

Damian McGrath  02:43

So I think, yeah, I'd say self belief, I would, I would agree with it, making that a priority. Because then people can reach their potential which is, which I think is a great thing. You see people achieve what what they need to be done.

Paul Barnett  03:00

After more than 100 interviews with great coaches from across the world and from different sports, I have arrived at the conclusion that success as a coach is leaving a legacy of improved self belief in those that you have coached, so that they are able to flourish and be the best version of themselves. Here is NBA coach, Jenny busick, explaining her view on the goal of helping people to be the best version of themselves.

Jenny Boucek  03:26

My belief is if your definition of success is are things that are out of your control, such as your title, money, you make what people think about you, you're not going to you're not going to leave much of a legacy. You're going to live a very emotionally unstable life. Your confidence is going to waver costs only. And your mental health is going to suffer and ultimately your your performance and you reaching a very high level that sustainable is going to be suspect, my definition of success. And I've learned this from being around some of the greatest of the greats and studying them is again what I said earlier, to become the best version of myself and understand my gifts, talents, passions, ability, experiences, pain struggles. It is all for the purpose of giving back, making this world a better place, serving others through what comes not just to me but will go through me. And so if that's the case, nobody can take that for me. I don't need a title. I don't need a job. I don't need a paycheck. I don't need anybody's approval, because I'm focused on that.

Paul Barnett  04:41

Focus on building self belief so that an athlete can be the best version of themselves is also a task that needs intervention. As cricket coach Peter Moore's explains,

Peter Moores  04:53

as I started coaching and working with people, and I've covered quite a lot as a player in the winters and stuff. You look at people I started to understand that what download doubt doesn't need anything to grow. It grows all by itself. But belief needs help. And belief is the thing that fights down is the enemy of it. Self belief. So I started to think as a coach, when I started to work at the job of the coach is to help the player build self belief. Because without self belief, you can't play if you don't think you can, you can't forestall it's like a Ferrari without petrol. It's a great looking car, I didn't go anywhere, stuck. So how does a player build belief? Well, the only way to build belief, if I look it up is performance accomplishment, I have to do it, I can't talk about it, I have to do it. So then I'm thinking as a coach, my job as a coach is to create situations where they can do it. And if they do it and do it well failed to start getting better and better, they'll then believe they can

Paul Barnett  05:47

to help their athletes build self belief. The great coaches we have interviewed have offered many tips and ideas. But a starting point is often just letting someone know that they are there because they are good enough. Here is soccer coach Tanya ox to be explaining how this is where she starts.

Tanya Oxtoby  06:06

It's about making sure that players and staff that I work with in particular staff, because I think it's really important that they understand that they're there because they're good enough, and that they have a skill set and that they whilst they're not perfect, and there's areas that they need to develop just like players do, that they bring something to the table. And it's generally something that I don't have, which is exactly why they're in our staff group. Or when you're a player, you've got attributes that are that set you apart, and you need to make those your super strength they need you need to make those things you're your go to, and not always focus on the things that you're not great at. There's an element of that 100% also focus on the things you're really good at and really embrace that and make that your go to

Paul Barnett  06:51

being good enough was also something netball coach Briony. Arkell spoke to us about here, she explains how she uses the words you are enough to ground people and bring them back to the moment during a match.

07:07

Done a lot of reading into that resilient, I read it somewhere to where it was, but you are enough. And it sort of summed up my team perfectly, because they were always striving for that perfection and that perfect performance. So I'm like, Well, what is perfect that you played the best that you could on that day. And to me, that's what's important. So just checking in with them, I could be in the middle of a game and someone just shakes their head at me and goes, I'm not I'm not good today. And I'll go you are and that's you as a person are enough. So we all have people that we go home to and that love us. And as if you don't perform well, every single week, but you've got another opportunity next week. So just building that mental toughness and that self esteem piece, if you don't believe in yourself, then who else is going to do that for you. And, and that's probably really important in any aspect of life.

Paul Barnett  07:56

With the knowledge that they deserve to be in the team, and the skills and energy that they bring are enough. A key next step is explaining the role the person needs to play. Here is rugby sevens. Coach Ben Ryan.

Ben Ryan  08:10

Yeah, there's probably a number of things like I often say that it's neither one big thing that gets you on the top of the podium, or one big thing that gets you knocked off it. No, it's a series of small things, and consistent behaviors. And so I talked about everything, I was very transparent. We were very transparent, and what our goals were to everybody that it was a gold medal or nothing for them for the men. And it means that you know, I'm a big believer yet teams can go into competitions, having had a mixed results going into that and still win, because that's the nature of sport, right? You can have upsets, you can get on momentum, you can get on roles, but I'd much rather see some consistent behavior behind it that builds the feeling within a group of over competency. And that's what I tried to strive for, so that the players will feel they'll look at the look and they'll go I feel great, I look great. My I know exactly what my role is, and those around me, I know what I need to do to get in the team stay in the team to make the team successful. My skills of being a great I know what I need to do to get them better. And I feel like I've got some ownership in all of this. If I feel something's going wrong, I can I can help drive this ship.

Paul Barnett  09:19

So failure is often a trigger for reduced self belief and learning to engage athletes when they have moments of doubt. By normalizing failure was a common topic that many coaches brought up here his basketball coach Felicia legit Jack explaining how she engages with failure by meeting people where they are.

Felisha Legette Jack  09:44

I just think that it's important that young people really have their moments of understanding themselves and in a lot of people want to fix people or share this is what I did. And so this is gonna work and I try not to go there. I try not I tried to meeting where they are. And they share with me what they think has been beneficial for them. So no, I don't I don't have an answer on what's the word I will use or the statement I make to help them find their way. I think the best thing that in my opinion, is allow people to evolve him say and become and fail and fly and succeed or fail, but the mirror is the only thing that matters most on his journey that we call life.

Paul Barnett  10:31

Joe Printy has coached in the NBA under the legendary Gregg Popovich and builds on fallacious ideas by recounting the learning from Coach Popovich around having appropriate fear for the opposition.

Joe Prunty  10:46

And, you know, believe in what we were doing, that was a big thing. But we also had appropriate fear that was a term that pop used a lot in terms of our opponents, but it drove us to respect its respect for what not only we were doing in games against our opponent, but with what we were trying to accomplish and where we were trying

Mark Robinson  11:05

to go. And

Paul Barnett  11:08

being proactive, and addressing the pressure that people are feeling is also a good method of building self belief. Here is swimming coach Tracy Menzies. That's

Tracey Menzies  11:19

what a lot of people see as pressure. It rides in many different ways. And I think that's something that I've been able to navigate like when you said, how do you see somebody with talent? Like I can look at somebody and go, right, you're carrying pressure, and know the right questions, how to ask it, how to unpack it. Sometimes you can take the backpack off before they race, sometimes it takes a little bit longer. But yeah, I think that's probably one of my skills.

Paul Barnett  11:51

Not being reactive, when you are feeling alone or uncertain. And using the feeling as a trigger to reach out to a mentor for support was a strategy offered by Australian rules football coach, Paul Roos. In fact, mentors as a source of dealing with doubt. And thereby building belief was very common amongst the coaches we interviewed.

Paul Roos  12:13

But you've got to lean on the people around you. I think, what I would say for the CEOs listening and leaders listening, it can be lonely, reach out, don't feel like you have to have all the answers. Yeah. Ask you to IC. Do you think I'm doing a good job? Do you think we need to change the product? Do you think our strategies were I don't think you need to have all the answers. I'd really good people around me and they were like, that we would get to play better. I think staying calm in those moments as well, not reacting or not being reactive is really, really important. There are a multitude of ways. But everyone feels under pressure and everyone feels a little bit insecure at certain times. The link

Paul Barnett  12:55

between being self reflective, and building or maintaining self belief was something that Tamsin Greenway discussed with us, she made the connection between taking the time to be honest with yourself, and building an air of confidence. You

Tamsin Greenway  13:11

know, I'm really quite self reflective, I've always been sort of taught to be to be honest with yourself, which I think that's where the belief comes in. Because if you are honest about things that you're good at, and not so good at and where you need to improve, you can have that almost air of confidence. In

Paul Barnett  13:28

the World Cup winning cricket coach, Mark Robinson also made the connection between confidence and belief, but builds on Tamsin Stuart's by linking confidence with both the role of the coach and the athlete feeling safe enough to make mistakes in the service of learning.

Mark Robinson  13:46

Designed to give the player the confidence to go out and play next and feel safe enough to make mistakes. And I suppose that's what it is, in fact, as you can make, allow them to make mistakes and also accept mistakes in the game. That's why I said at the beginning to you, as a coach, you've got to forgive, you got to DVD players and make sure they feel forgiven and

Paul Barnett  14:07

the link between confidence and self belief often requires finding a way to tap into the individual's motivation, but also bringing an air of positivity to the way you communicate. Brenda Frese coaches college basketball in the USA, and she expands on this idea here.

Brenda Frese  14:26

I'm a coach that is really positive, I embrace the incompetent, I tried to model it each and every day. But when you walk into our practices or you're at a game for me, it's all about instilling positive, confident energy, and our players know if they hang their head on a play or I see them losing confidence. It's going to be a motivational way or conversation to really instill as much confidence as I possibly can. I really believe between the years you have to have that right before anything else because you can be this talented player out on the court and be able to do all kinds of things. But if mentally, your confidence isn't there, you're not going to be able to produce what you're capable of doing.

Paul Barnett  15:12

So Gordon kitchens, coached the New Zealand Rugby Sevens for over 20 years. Along the way, he helped launch the careers of players like Jonah Lomu. And he also identified the need to help people build confidence so that they can have the required belief to express themselves on the pitch.

Gordon Tietjens  15:32

Yeah, I thought I said nothing before, like, nothing's really impossible, I always had a real belief, it doesn't matter what team might be coaching, who we were playing against, we even from player's perspective, that he was better than the player that you're up against, regardless of the name and the stature of that player that you're up against. And building that belief in them. Some players needed motivating your players that needed motivating and assurance, I suppose, and confidence to get them up for games. And that's the belief that you give them the ability for them to express themselves, and we make mistakes, but you learn from your mistakes, we do a lot of reviews afterwards, I get them to talk me through. And there are times that things that I should have done, what they did well and what they didn't do, but I'm always been a coach also that you always talk about the positives, and you turn those negatives into a positive sort of way. Because everything is always about a 10. If we drop a pass your reasons why you dropped that particular pass, but then you move on to your next job and so that that self belief factor and intent, work hand in hand. And obviously for me, just a little word to someone before going out to a game, going to the bus and the game. It could be a training, just instilling a lot of self belief that they can go out and be the best that they can be.

Paul Barnett  16:53

Hynek Amaya coached the South African rugby team at the World Cup, he has an infectious energy and he's famed for his motivational abilities. He believes in the power of big dreams to fuel your motivation. And to keep yourself belief high, when others might be trying to encourage you to have more realistic goals.

Heyneke Meyer  17:15

The thing that I will teach the children out there is that people always do dreams and now dream is big enough. I mean, it will look like Elon Musk now and put a rocket on Mars. People laughed at him and all those guys now the scientists wish it was impossible or working for him. Neil Armstrong, the first guy that went to class first got to work on the moon. I mean, people say Set realistic goals. That I mean, what's what's more unrealistic than saying I'm gonna go to the moon. So I'm a big believer and I write it in my book as well for especially for the kids out there. You can be whatever you want to be. So he's actually he was just have to have a plan. And I say to my players and two young coaches, it's like the bumblebee. We had a word of the Springboks and all my teams are called the bumblebee award. And that's the person that does the most for the team, not the guy that scores the base drive, but the guy does something for the team your culture in a claim of injury or playing out of position whatsoever. And the reason it's called the Bumblebee is because the Bumblebee is scientifically it's impossible for the bumblebee to fly. They say his body is too big, his wings are too small. And the Bumblebee can fly at heights where people can't get oxygen every night. But the Bumblebee is flying because nobody told the Bumblebee is impossible. So what I wish to school at any university and weather is that people will follow teach to follow their dreams and not tell them what they can do it.

Paul Barnett  18:30

Penny cooler read builds on Heinekens idea of a big goal, but adds the focus of trying to prove people wrong as a motivator when your self belief starts to fall

Penny Cula-Reid  18:42

on and everyone's always going to tell you that you can't do something, you're too short, you're too slow. You're not fast enough, you don't have the right body type, etc, etc. And for me during that time, all I could think about was stuff you like how do you know what I can't? Do? You have no idea what I'm capable of. And when everyone sort of said to me, I don't understand why you want to play footy one because I bloody love it too, because I'm pretty good at it. Three, it's because you said that I can't, that I want to do it. So I think having people continue to say, you know, this is something that you shouldn't be doing or you can't do. I'm very much like, well watch me I'll prove you wrong. And I think as a female football coach in the land of AFL, and in a what we would call the boys club, I will continue to push these boundaries and continue to show girls and females that there is a way if there's something that you want to do. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do it. And if they if you find yourself in a roadblock, find a way around it, threw it over it under whatever it might be. If there's something that you love and something that you want to do, you will find a way to achieve that.

Paul Barnett  19:59

While I was Big Penny's view on proving people wrong as a source of motivation. internal motivation has been something that I have found to be a greater driver of satisfaction, enjoyment and belief. Jenny busick, one of the first female coaches in the NBA captures this feeling for me, when she talks about control of her soul and her internal convictions.

Jenny Boucek  20:22

If you can find your inner place where that voice leads you, you can't go wrong. If you follow the peace, if you follow the passion, if you follow the purpose, then I think there what might appear to be risk is actually the least risky life you can live because you're following the things that nobody can take from me. And so there's a strength, there's a resilience, there's an energy, and nobody else is in control of that. I don't want to give any human being control of my soul. And so the only way you can do that is by living your life for the internal the internal rewards, the internal convictions, the internal principles, the internal purpose and passions and things that are just I think, I believe we're born with in seed form. And if you live your life in such a way, and you're around certain people, those seeds get watered, and now take on a life of itself and you and so that way overpowers any like risk or fears. I think the positive things in life when watered always overpower the negative light always overpowers darkness, darkness doesn't even exist. Without light, darkness is just the absence of light.

Paul Barnett  21:39

With a stretching goal in place, mentors around you to help maintain confidence and self reflect, and a supporting coach to help you fail and learn. You can be in a strong enough space to not need to overthink challenges as they come your way. Here is gold medal winning Rugby Sevens Coach Ben Ryan, explaining how he tries to not overthink.

Ben Ryan  22:01

And I guess the lesson I learned with that is that, that those decisions in life where you know, it's a risk, you know, it makes you feel sometimes physically sick to make those calls. For me, that was the best decision I think I've ever made in my life. I've made some risky decisions in business since that have all worked out pretty well. And I think that's my advice sometimes that we are in a culture. And I learned to be much better at this in Fiji we are in a culture in, in modern society where we think overthink things too much. We try to map things out too carefully. And we don't just sometimes let our gut instinct just go for it. And

Paul Barnett  22:41

in high performance sports, the scrutiny from the media, the fans, and the administration can be intense at times. So finding a way to help the team and the individual manage this external noise is vital in ensuring the team maintains a healthy sense of self belief. Here is Eddie Jones explaining this in the context of the English rugby team.

Eddie Jones  23:07

Yeah, the the media is powerful in England, the the papers, absolutely ferocious, you know, say you're either the best thing that's ever been made. Or you You're hopeless. And there's nothing in between. So the players openly talked about not and I heard it from more from football players who even found it even more when they went to the England side. All they wanted to do was not be the scapegoat. So they're always dealing with the fact they didn't want to be the one that made the mistake. And then I got there spoke to assure the players who were openly honest. And they reinforce that when they came to England, they wanted to be safety first they didn't want to fail. It was all about just being nice and safe. How did I overcome? Well, I don't think I have but we're getting there. Because there's sort of deep seated problems. You don't solve quickly. You you're manipulating, you're changing, you're moving in the right direction. But you can always go back to what we've concentrated on these being England. What are we good at? What are we going to do as a team is England and also just really driving the message about the only noise that's important is the noise within the room. That noise outside the room. As as much as that might influence people. You've got to avoid that noise. You know, and I've heard Bella check the great American football case. Speak about that consistently and say true. I saw a great press conference with that. Nick Saban. Have you heard of him the or the UK just one of the university teams. Michigan he was aware he wasn't Michigan. And he said all the time. I'm just trying to get the poison out of their head. You guys are trying to put the poison in in there, I'm trying to take it out. And it's but it's true.

Paul Barnett  25:05

One of the ideas that resonated strongly with me when it comes to managing self belief is having a failure recovery routine, some small simple steps that you can take to keep perspective and bounce back. Here is Sue EnQuest. Talking about this.

Sue Enquist  25:22

Remember, corporate performance you're asked to perform every day or athletic performance, those that don't have what we call a next play. Next event mindset. How do we push through hard or failure, I call it a fail recovery system. And what you have to understand is, if you can always remember that who you are, supersedes what you do. So who I am as a ballplayer is always going to be more important than whether I got the hit or not who I am as an employee is always going to be more important than whether I won the sales contest. And once you understand how to separate those, you can manage failure because you can keep the failure small, and your integrity and your character big.

Paul Barnett  26:08

And the gymnastics coach Valorie Kondos field building on Sue's views by talking about the next best step that you can take.

Valorie Kondos Field  26:18

And that's the one thing that I wanted. My my student athletes to get in the time that they were with me is they only learned one thing is to understand that life is about choice, and the choices that we may dictate the life we live. And every single choice that I make starts with my thoughts. Unless you have a mental disability, you are able to control and choose your thoughts. Your thoughts will then produce emotions, your motions will produce actions, every single action is going to have numerous repercussions. That's going to determine the type of life you live. And the reason why I felt that was was so important for my student athletes to grass, is because as soon as you take control of your mind, and therefore your actions, you can no longer live as a victim in life. So when life hands you stuff that's really hard adversity, you don't go into pity party mode, you take a deep breath and you go, Okay, I got this, what's going to be my best next step. And then you live your life that way and I find that it's just a far more enriched way to live, then fueling the negative.

Paul Barnett  27:39

We hope you enjoyed our episode on self belief, and found one or two things that you can bring to your own dinner table, locker room or boardroom table for discussion. The key lessons I have taken away on the topic of self belief from my interview guests. Our success as a coach is leaving a legacy of improved self belief in those that you have coached so that they are able to flourish and be the best version of themselves. Doubt grows naturally within people. But for most of us, we need a little help to build self belief. And this is where a coach can help. A key first step is to let people know that they are good enough to be in the team and that the skills and energy that they bring are enough. From there you can explain the role the person needs to play. As setbacks or failure then occur. You help the individual through building a failure recovery plan that is relevant for them. However, it's also important to be proactive and address the pressure, anxiety or fear the athlete is feeling before it impacts their self belief too greatly. And a sense of confidence helps maintain self belief. And the coach can help with this by working with the athlete to articulate their goals and use positive language. Here at the great coaches podcast, we are always trying to learn and grow and evolve. And the interaction with the people around the world who listen gives us great energy. And so if you have any feedback or comments, please let us know. All the details on how to connect with us are in the show notes or on our website. The great coaches podcast.com